What Will I Live For Now?

For so long I lived for her. I got up in the morning because I needed to generate an income, provide a house, bring home the bacon, and protect her from the things I needed to. And I wanted to do all these things for her. I was in the best time of my life, every day I was with her.

I still get up in the morning, but some mornings are harder than others. This morning a woke up sobbing. I could almost hear her next to me, but not quite. And when the realization that I would never hear her again, I felt so much sorrow that the tears flowed.

I’m so lost without her. She knew I would be, and made me promise to do things when she was dying. She asked me to promise to care for the cats, and I did. That was sneaky, because I never lied to her, and she knew it.

I’m not saying that I’d eat a gun barrel if I didn’t have to care for the cats, but I do want to follow through on the things she wanted for me. I just don’t know that I can. Not when I still wake weeping after 8 months.

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